School’s out for the summer, and for many parents, it’s time to think about what their kids will be doing to pass the time. For some, summer vacation may mean spending weeks at day camp or sleep-away camp, while others may ask when the kids can be left alone while their parents work.
The idea of leaving kids alone all day may sound unbelievable to some parents, but for many it’s a common practice, especially as children get older. Catherine Pearlman, the family therapist behind The Family Coach and author of Ignore It To know whether to leave kids home alone in the summer, it’s important for parents to know if their children are mature enough and to establish safety protocols in case of emergencies or accidents.
Can kids be left alone in the summer?
While Perlman says there is no one right answer when deciding what age children can be left home alone, a number of factors should be considered.
“It depends on the maturity of the child, the number of children left at home, the length of time the child is left alone and the state of family life,” she said. “Some states have a minimum age for children to be legally alone, so it’s always important to check your state’s laws.
In a more general sense, according to Perlman, parents might consider letting their children go to the market alone for short trips somewhere between the ages of 11 and 13. As children get older and become more comfortable and independent, parents can extend the time they spend away from home, whether it’s for a few hours or a full day.
First, it’s important to gauge your child’s comfort level staying home alone. While some children may be fully engaged (hooray, no parents.) , other children may feel some anxiety.
“The most important sign that a child is ready to be alone is that the child is comfortable with the idea,” Perlman says. “If your child is scared or extremely nervous, that’s probably not the right time to leave your child.”
The next factor to consider is maturity level. Some children mature more quickly than others, which may make it possible for them to stay home alone at an earlier age. However, this is not always the case.
Suzanne Hayes, a freelance writer and mother of three, says she couldn’t keep her 10- to 16-year-olds home for more than half an hour until last year. “If I left them for longer than that, there would be chaos,” she told Yahoo Life. “Fights were inevitable. I would get texts at work saying, ‘Mom, Emmett is grabbing me and making fun of my hair,’ or, ‘Mom, Nora says my drawing is bad,'” she says. “I couldn’t referee over the phone while I was working.”
“They don’t have the skills to self-regulate and avoid or resolve confrontations,” she continues. “It was a stressful nightmare for all involved. When I got home, everyone felt stressed and angry with each other, which made for an unpleasant evening after an already unpleasant day.”
Perlman recommends considering these questions before deciding if your child is old enough to stay home alone during the summer.
Is your child able to confidently meet their basic needs?
Does your child have a good grasp of what to do in various emergency situations?
Can your child confidently call 911?
Is your child willing to ask for help when things get tough?
In general, does your child make good decisions?
What rules should my child have when he or she is home alone?
What is and is not allowed when children are home alone varies from family to family, but Perlman has some rules that she recommends across the board.
The stove or oven should not be used (unless you are talking about older teens with cooking experience).
Children should also be informed that no one else should be allowed in the home unless they have prior approval. You do not want your child to open the door and let others in.
Parents may want to set rules for the amount of time on the screen or what devices are allowed while the parent is away.
Marie Blackwelder, a mother of three children ranging in age from 7 to 16, has a similar rule for her own children when they leave the house alone: “Don’t open the door for anyone, keep your cell phone with you at all times, be nice to your brother, and call us if there are any problems. “
What can my child do at home alone?
It is highly unlikely that children will choose to do homework or clean their rooms when they are home alone, so expect that this could lead to disaster. Instead, Pearlman suggests that parents plan activities, movies, games and food to make being alone fun for kids.
“If it goes well, kids will be happy to be on their own, gain a good sense of independence and build confidence,” she says.
Hayes sometimes creates a schedule for her children to keep them from getting bored when they’re home alone.
“I’ll make a full schedule for them from time to time because structure is very important,” she says. “Once they get bored, it all goes downhill. Sometimes I’ll create an itinerary for them, specifically listing breakfast, lunch and dinner for the day, as well as activities throughout the day, including times and supplies. “
Some of the activities Hayes lists on that schedule include tie-dyeing T-shirts, having silly rope fights outside, setting up scavenger hunts, transforming each other and making slime.
Blackwelder said there wasn’t much structure beyond workbooks and reading when her children were left home alone at a young age. “I’m a big fan of summer bridge books,” she says, “so the kids had to spend 15 minutes reading their workbooks and 30 minutes reading before any devices or TV.”
“There’s not a lot of structure beyond the workbooks and reading, but they love the puzzles, games and playing together.”
